Playing with trouble. Sleeping with danger. Me and my dealer...

02.16.08

It shouldn't matter because I get to go away in three months. It shouldn't matter because I've been straight forward. It shouldn't matter because they aren't together. It shouldn't matter because after all this he is still my friend. It shouldn't matter because I'm stronger than they give me credit for. It shouldn't matter because it's my life and my feelings and my actions. It shouldn't matter if it makes me happy. If I don't lay those expectations on anyone else then why is the responsibility layed upon me? It shouldn't matter because I never took it. I never believed it. It shouldn't matter because she's not happy, she should leave him. It shouldn't matter because he hurts her. It shouldn't matter because I want to go away and in long run it wont matter anymore. I know what it's like to be another girl, I know what it's like to be the other woman, I know what it's like because I've been there and I've felt it and I've caused it and I've started it and I've never ever had to finish it. It shouldn't matter because she doesn't know me and I care about her. It shouldn't matter if I need him on a night off and she shouldn't care if I call. I'm not asking for his children or his money of her life. I'm asking for a friend, my friend. If she knew, if he know, if my other friend knew... if they knew what else I write about in another world they wouldn't care and I would no longer matter.

So when I go away and my face fades and they realize I never mattered then it shouldn't matter... right?

Wrong. Somehow and some way it always seem to matter. No matter how disconnected from emotion we seem to be.

Nelapsi

yesterdays and tomorrows