"If you had prepared twenty years ago, You wouldn't be a-wanderin' from door to door..."

05.21.08

There is something that stains your heart. There is a separation from heart to mind, action to love. But there is no separation from who you are to who you love. I'm breaking, I'm in pieces, I'm scattered about on the floor and this is the first time I've seen clearly since...
It's amazing what we have to put our bodies through in order to learn what our hearts can take. There are too many stains and I'm not willing to explain each one. Maybe some day when I'm able to accept it myself. I've been a very careless girl and a very selfish one at that. Yet somehow, I've managed to dodge, to skip, to avoid everything that logic would suggest should have happened. Somehow, I was able to stay saved and I don't think I deserve it. So, where do you find me tonight? An emotional wreck? Not quite. A little brighter actually. A little smarter. And a lot more understanding to the limitations of my person. I've exhausted myself to the point of understanding. Then why does it have to hurt so deep? Why am I beeming - honestly beaming with some sort poison or clearity - yet it's so hard to smile over this? I'm excited for this summer. I'm excited for the second chance I've recieved. I'm ready now to accept responsibility - maybe because I have an outline.

Nothing is wrong. Quite it's polar. I'm happy and I'm slowing down to enjoy this life. I'll stop threating over the other ones.

Nelapsi

yesterdays and tomorrows