I was...

06.08.08

I was supposed to be true in color. I was supposed to be the one that carried on. Now I'm not so sure which order I belong to. I'm not so sure the direction to get out or how to get back to the core. Resistance is failing but nothing else isn't showing. I don't understand and I'm not sure I'm going to. Today was better than the day before, and much better than the one before that. Every day has been since Wednesday and every day even better two weeks before that. When we're young time has no meaning. I'm still waiting to get old. Still waiting for my wisdom teeth. Still forgetting what Mom said. I'll paint my face if you want me to. Maybe I'm just pretending. Oh goodness, I'm punishing her. I'm spinning in this tunnel. Holding on and pushing through. I suppose it must be love. I can feel the tug of my baby when I look into his eyes. Oh goodness, I can feel the failure and disapointment when reach to him. You weren't supposed to say anything and I wasn't planning on going along. So this is the life you've planned for me, just please tell me what day. I plan to wake up an hour early and tempt this hand. Failure is not very becomming and resistance is strong. Even when the baby begins to kick you know I'll still be pretending.

Nelapsi

yesterdays and tomorrows