Every girl dreams of the perfect gay man.

01.08.09

My friend is in jail. Again. Five months to the day, he's in jail. Only this time, it's a bit more clear that he isn't just a friend.

My boyfriend is in jail. It's his birthday. I had the best birthday gift. I got him a card with a pretty photograph on the cover, and inside I wrote to him, "Happy Birthday, Kai. (left a large space.) Come find me. Love always, Jessica."

In that large space I was going to but the key card to a hotel room with the hotel add clipping from the phone book. In my foolish head, I would leave him the card and go to our room and fill it with girly candles. And me, scantly dressed. The tub was jetted and could easily fit 4 adults.

Insted, I spent even more to bail him out of jail. He gets out at 2 am. Not sure if he'll call me or his mom to come pick him up.

And now I'm torn on what to do. Do I not give him the card, in turn not giving him a gift at all... or do I hand him the card and have to explaine the empty space left inside it? Its quite painful, this empty space. I could write more but honestly, I have nothing card worthy to say. I could tell him his bail took the place of his birthday gift. It did, I suppose.

He was arrested for burglary, severity = felony. He's done time before, I know he had a history... but he told it was just that... in his pass. He served his time and... and I feel over it and feel in love. But it would seem, he is his past and I can't be with someone who can't mocve away from that life.

I've been with the bad boy type before. I didn't find whatever I was looking for so I moved on. I'm not 17 any more. I need to be with someone who'll show up at the hotel room! Someone who's bed I can sleep in. I don't want to bail my someone out of jail! I don't want to wonder if he's going to hurt me. I don't want to think, tonight the cops might come for him. If I open my door to find a cop on the other side, I want it to be my brother in law, or maybe a cop holding Kristy's cat, telling me "Miss, we saved your cat. He was at the bar and got into a fight over some cat nip. We've sedated him but he should wake up soon and be back to normal. Please, talk to your cat about the addictions of cat nip and here is a list of places he can seek help. Thank you, you and your cat have a lovely night."

I don't want a cop at my door saying "Miss, it'll be 500 dollars upfront or your boyfriend sits in jail wondering why his girlfriend hasn't made his bail.

Help me.

Dear Diary,

This isn't the life for a good girl.

Nelapsi

yesterdays and tomorrows